How do we know whether he is the one?

Disneyland 1987
When I was my daughter's age (19), I used to think who would my Mr Right be? Coming from a strong religious back ground, befriending the opposite genders was not a norm for me although deep inside me I wanted to be loved and pampered. I used to think how do I know for sure whether the person who approached me was the right one for me to take him as a lifetime partner. I have never got the answer.... When I first went to the States (in Azusa), I was approached by A. I liked him as a friend because he was pious, able to recite the verses in the Quran beautifully and the bottom line is he showed me that he cared about me.... but I was too naive to fill the emptiness in his heart then. I have set my goal... that is to study and excel in my study... only if he was not too hasty in making me his special friend I might still be his friend. Why can't he tell me that we should build our friendship for the sake of Allah? I might respond to his letters and telephone calls. I did not give him hope right from the beginning because I was not sure whether he is the right one for me. I was too afraid I would break his heart as well as mine if the relationship did not work later. Ironically, I have broken his heart anyway when I did not respond to his letters. At that point of time I told myself if we were meant for each other Allah will lead us to each other one day. If not, probably there would be a better guy waiting for me and a better girl waiting for him.... When I moved to Turlock, another guy, W, approached me. He tried so many ways to win my heart. He tutored me Calculus and helped me with my Computer Programming assignment (He was paid by the University though). He wrote me a letter asking for my hands. He called begging me to say 'yes' almost every day. He asked an Arab guy (Saeed) whose wife (Ameena) was my good friend to be a mediator so that I would agree to his proposal. When I told him that I would consider a guy's proposal only if the guy asks for me through my parents, he approached Ustaz Mohd Akhir (an MSD officer) who happened to be my late father's friend to propose me on his behalf. Unfortunately, his persistence scared me and pushed me away from him. He kept telling me that he was not a quitter but one thing he did not do to win my heart was he did not show me that he cares about me. He didn't offer any help to carry our bags when we first arrived in Turlock. He made me go to his apartment to borrow a tennis racket when he could just send it to me if he is a gentleman. Unlike A. At least, A was a gentleman. A offered help if I have problems. A brought me and my housemates to Long Beach to make sure that we get halal chicken and treated us dinner at a Chinese Muslim restaurant. Three other minus points with W were he belonged to the Tabligh group (I was afraid that I would be left for 3 months every now and then later), he couldn't drive a car while I could (my Mr Right should be better than I was) and he was rather short physically (about my height- he wouldn't have the power to lift me I guess since I have always wanted my Mr Right to be tall and strong enough to lift me to bed). At that time ... I wished I could marry an Ustaz graduated from Al Azhar. I wrote letters to my seniors who were studying in Al Azhar trying to get some ideas how the gender population was like among Malaysian students who were studying there but I did not get favourable information. I was too shy to ask them to recommend a Mr Right for me. Then, during Summer holiday (first year) I decided to go back home for 2 months. There were 3 major reasons: I missed my family; my sister was getting engaged; and I wanted to run away from W and put my mind at peace. However, I got a shock out of my life when I was proposed by my mother's good friend on behalf of her nephew. I was 19 then, and I was proposed through my parents.... wasn't it too young for me to be engaged? What if I fall for someone else later? What if he was not my Mr Right, I thought to myself. Well , he met my first criteria - he proposed me through my parents. He met my second criteria as well - he was tall. But... he was not from Al Azhar, besides he was big (although size has never been set as the criteria for my Mr Right) Above all, I did not know him.. his character -so many unanswered questions: was he caring? was he romantic? was he loving? was he gentle? can he recite the Quran beautifully? can he accept me unconditionally? was he the right guy for me? ... from his picture I knew that he smoked! When I heard his voice over the phone when he called me from NZ, I did not quite like what I heard.... was he my Mr Right? I was really confused and indecisive at that time. To be able to answer my questions I turned to Allah. I prayed Istikharah and Hajat almost every night to get the answer. It was a tough decision indeed. I kept telling myself ... that what ever decision I made was for real. Once I have said yes, I have to accept him and live with him for the rest of my life. I really felt it was a gamble and I am gambling with my future. How do I know if he is the one? Do I really know he is the one? To tell the truth the answer is 'NO'. I was never sure! My prayers was not answered in a form of dreams but the signs I received was more like the inclination I felt deep inside my heart. I told myself then that I have to be an obedient daughter and I must not embarrass my parents since the proposal came from a family friend (Well, that is me .. always wanting to please everybody except myself). Another sign was from the first letter I received from him expressing his thankfulness towards me for accepting him when I have not given my approval to accept the proposal to my parents. I finally said 'yes' to my parents. It was a tough decision but Alhamdulillah I have made my decision although I was not sure until now whether I have made the right one. I have probably met my Mr Right but I am grateful that I am blessed with 5 children now.... Alhamdulillah. We never know for sure what is best for us in the future ... keep praying and hoping as well as working for the best, to be the best, to get the best. Only Allah knows best. Therefore my dear daughter, we don't really have to look for Mr Right. Insyaallah your Mr Right will come to your door and knock your heart.


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